What I See

 
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For years I didn’t like photos of me, the majority of my life in fact. Yes, I had a weight issue, but it was about so much more than that. The bottom line was this - I just didn’t like myself.

Whenever I saw myself I just saw a complication of flaws and worthlessness. I truly just did not like who I was. Oh, I was good at hiding it with accomplishments and successes, but those things were only there because I was afraid to take an honest look at myself. I was afraid of what I would see when I did.

So, I covered up who I was with masks, so many masks. The scariest part was that I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing. I thought I was just living my life. But when I stopped spinning my wheels and took an honest look at who I was and what I was doing … well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Not for a wile.

But, by finally stopping to be honest, I could also finally begin to heal. AND, I could begin to be loved. How thankful I am for Father God’s love that loves without expectation and transform lives.

Now when I look at photos of me, I may not love them all (I can look quite awkward at any given moment,) but I like who I see.

And it’s ironic that at this time of complete uncertainty in my life, I am more secure in who I am than I’ve ever been. I am getting to know this amazing woman God created me to be and I like me.

Where are you on your journey? Have you reached the point where you can look at yourself and see good things vs flaws? Or are you still struggling with liking yourself? It’s okay if it’s the later. Know that when you are ready to remove your masks and see the beauty the rest of us already see, God will be there to love you through it.